Various Artists “The Metallica Blacklist” Review

Various Artists
The Metallica Blacklist
Blackened Recordings
Released: September 10, 2021

The world’s biggest sell-out’s are back to further insult their fan base. No, really. Heeeerrrrrreeeeee’s The Metallica Blacklist.

To further celebrate the 30th anniversary of the greatest rock n roll swindle of all time; pop-rock shit weasels Metallica have a pop cover album. I laughed, hard, when I first heard about this, thinking it was a farce. It is a farce, but not in the way I originally thought – it actually saw the light of day. Already the biggest disgrace heavy music has ever seen, Metallica are now rubbing yet more salt into the gapping would that is anything after the first four records, with a collection of sub-par pop acts playing their sell-out anthems.

When Metallica released Load, I truly thought they had reached the low of their career. With Reload, they proved me wrong. And again with the atrocious St.Anger – but all that crap fails to sink to the level of pure suck that is this ego-boosting hunk of shit, commonly known as The Metallica Blacklist. Not only does this narcissistic pile of trash further rub salt into the stile gapping wounds of the fans that made the band who they are – by compiling mainly pop artists to perform their songs from the record commonly referred to as their sell-out album, it does so as if to prove the point that their song writing skills are good enough to be mainstream. Spoiler alert – they aren’t. And Blacklist proves it.

The first six songs on this pile of filth – are all Enter Sandman. Why! Why would you do that? If the goal was to make this garbage as unlistenable as possible – well there’s your starting point. Starting off with Alessia Cara’s butchering of the track, it only gets worse – the second rendition from Mac DeMarco sounds as if a cassette tape is being eaten by the stereo on which it is played. This is bad beyond words – and the we are far, far from the epitome of shit that is about to play out over the next fifty-three self-indulge tracks. More than four hours of terrible, terrible music.

See Also: Iron Maiden “Senjutsu” Review

Fact is, Metallica probably circle jerk each other off while whispering how great they are at song writing to each other. Then again, when you become a parody, might as well parody yourselves further. Somewhere along my travels, someone tried to teach me that if I had nothing positive to say, to remain silent – instead I became a journalist and when fueled by shit like this, let me tell you, I get excited to think up fresh new ways with to verbally vomit all over it. It’s actually astonishing how it continues to get worse as it goes on. If I won the lottery, I’d spend it rounding up every last copy of this travesty so I could bury them in a pit in whatever desert those E.T Atari cartridges are buried in. Then buy the rights to it, just so I can burn it and and rid the earth of this filth.

Given that there are fifty-three tracks on this audible nightmare – odds are that a select few of them would be decent, and that is true. Ghost, Volbeat, Corey Taylor, Off! – maybe two or three others, but for the vast majority of this recording; I laughed as if listening to a stand-up comedy piece, as Metallica parody the parody that is already themselves. Clowns. Those I listed, I wouldn’t even goes as far as to call good. Compared to those around them, they seem decent – thus it is all an illusion. This almost makes Lar’s snare sound on the St.Anger album seem like genius – yeah, that bad, folks.

I believe the lack of hard rock or metal musicians that appear here on Blacklist is telling as to whom this is not only marketed too but as to whom Metallica have as a fan base. Besides Ghost, who I love – but let’s be real here, they walk a very thin line between metal and pop, and have staggered across that border and back several times, besides Ghost – and Corey Taylor, they are no other metal musicians that appear on this travesty. It’s telling. Hell, they couldn’t even get Post Malone to stop butchering Nirvana covers long enough to appear. Sad. But true.

Hell, half of these artists just sampled the original material and threw in a quick, cheap beat and… voila! There are fucking twelve covers of Nothing Else Matters – and they all suck! What half-wit thought it would be a good move to play the same song twelve times in a row? Really! Perhaps the goal was to provide so many versions of the same shit, that eventually, one of them has to stand out. Yet, they even failed at that. The vinyl version of this release is seven discs long. Seven! Who the shit wants to hear the same song, any song, for an hour? Blacklist provides exactly that. Covers that nobody wants.

The seven-disc vinyl version of this atrocity, has a suggested retail price of $191.99 USD. Which is laughable if you ask us, but if you really must, it can be purchased from Metallica’s own Blackened Recordings. Allegedly, All royalties go to charity – but given Metallica’s craving for cash, well…

They say any publicity is good publicity, and I’m here to dispel that statement permanently. Find a positive here, I implore you. Blacklist is trash. Forever unforgiven, fuck Metallica. I laughed until the tears ran down my inner thighs.

For Fans Of: Hot garbage

Track Listing :

01. Enter Sandman – Alessia Cara & The Warning
02. Enter Sandman – Mac DeMarco
03. Enter Sandman – Ghost
04. Enter Sandman – Juanes
05. Enter Sandman – Rina Sawayama
06. Enter Sandman – Weezer
07. Sad But True (Live) – Sam Fender
08. Sad But True – Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit
09. Sad But True – Mexican Institute of Sound feat. La Perla & Gera MX
10. Sad But True – Royal Blood
11. Sad But True – St. Vincent
12. Sad But True – White Reaper
13. Sad But True – YB
14. Holier Than Thou – Biffy Clyro
15. Holier Than Thou – The Chats
16. Holier Than Thou – OFF!
17. Holier Than Thou – PUP
18. Holier Than Thou – Corey Taylor
19. The Unforgiven – Cage The Elephant
20. The Unforgiven – Vishal Dadlani, DIVINE, Shor Police
21. The Unforgiven – Diet Cig
22. The Unforgiven – Flatbush Zombies feat. DJ Scratch
23. The Unforgiven – Ha*Ash
24. The Unforgiven – José Madero
25. The Unforgiven – Moses Sumney
26. Wherever I May Roam – J Balvin
27. Wherever I May Roam – Chase & Status feat. BackRoad Gee
28. Wherever I May Roam – The Neptunes
29. Wherever I May Roam – Jon Pardi
30. Don’t Tread on Else Matters – SebastiAn
31. Don’t Tread on Me – Portugal The Man
32. Don’t Tread on Me – Volbeat
33. Through the Never – The HU
34. Through the Never – Tomi Owó
35. Nothing Else Matters – Phoebe Bridgers
36. Nothing Else Matters – Miley Cyrus feat. WATT, Elton John, Yo-Yo Ma, Robert Trujillo, Chad Smith
37. Nothing Else Matters – Dave Gahan
38. Nothing Else Matters – Mickey Guyton
39. Nothing Else Matters – Dermot Kennedy
40. Nothing Else Matters – Mon Laferte
41. Nothing Else Matters – Igor Levit
42. Nothing Else Matters – My Morning Jacket
43. Nothing Else Matters – PG Roxette
44. Nothing Else Matters – Darius Rucker
45. Nothing Else Matters – Chris Stapleton
46. Nothing Else Matters – TRESOR
47. Of Wolf and Man – Goodnight, Texas
48. The God That Failed – IDLES
49. The God That Failed – Imelda May
50. My Friend of Misery – Cherry Glazerr
51. My Friend of Misery – Izïa
52. My Friend of Misery – Kamasi Washington
53. The Struggle Within – Rodrigo y Gabriela